Friday’s Memorial was wonderful. Thank you all for coming!

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Here is the Video played durring the Service.

Try a smaller size if you have trouble playing it.

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Memorial On August 8^th 2008

for

Mélaine Innocent 1976-2008

Opening

It was a still night last night. Nothing was moving, the air was still there were no sounds, no wind, and no birds, no trains no planes. No people. I woke from my dream about reading this about Mélaine and could hear nothing. It was as if my ears were silenced. I could hear only my sons breathing next me and my mind was finally filled with the words that I wanted to say to finish this in time for today. As I wrote these last few thoughts this morning, the phone next to me gave a ding. Not a ring as it is supposed to but a ding like someone’s finger flicking the bell. So I guess I will stop writing and start reading.

Here are a few things about Mélaine that I miss  - my misses.

What I Miss

 

Her smile; the way she rolled her eyes when I made a joke and her laugh on those occasions when I actually was funny; the back scratch she would give me even when she was tired; Getting in each others’ way in the kitchen;  not being able to find the tea towel because it is hanging on her shoulder;  watching her sleep;  holding her hand;  secretly watching her secretly watching Jay; reading her blog about how she still loves me even though…; the daily phone call to just say “Hi Darling I love you”.; her telling me to eat something rather than telling me I am being grumpy;  watching her play with Jay, pulling him in the wagon, playing with play-dough or cooking.; listening to her voice, listening to her breathe, waiting to talk to her for an hour because she is “on the phone to Mummy”.

These are some of the things I miss…

These things are my memories now.

How we met

Not all of you know but Mélaine and I met at a military function in Heidelberg Germany. She was attending a NATO officers wives’ coffee morning that was being hosted by the wife of the US’ Commanding General in Europe. I was the hired help, the musical entertainment. Mélaine did not want to go and I was begging my commander to let me stay home. We both went begrudgingly. 

I performed playing keyboards and singing. I saw this beautiful blond haired woman across the room staring at me.  Being an enlisted soldier, and thinking Mélaine was an officer’s wife, I smiled and after a good look, turned away. 

A few minutes later the General’s wife was introducing Mélaine to me as the daughter of the senior British Commander In Heidelberg. She was beautiful and interested in me and I in her.  Of course she thought I was a helicopter pilot at the time.

The rest is history; that was September 1997; we fell in love fast; I asked her to marry me in December; she said yes, and then in typical Mélaine fashion took my heart and the ring and went back to London for a year to make her own way. 

Marriage and Jay

We were married, here in this church, December 5th 1998. Mélaine moved to Germany with me and we enjoyed our life together, traveling in Europe and then eventually moving to the States.

Then the greatest thing happened; our son Jay was born in February 2004. He changed our lives. The joy that he brought to us was amazing. He is still the brightest light in my day.

Mélaine cherished every moment and although she longed for England and Europe, she knew that home is where your heart is.

Her Mom Ann has always said that Mélaine was born old and it is true. She was 21 when we met and she was so much more in tune with life and mature than I was at 29 and I never caught up. She brought a level of sophistication to the house. And brought my soldier’s living style to a truly continental level. I had never experienced life like that. 

She changed me and made me a better person.

Her Cancer

In January Mélaine started to feel different, out of breath and out of energy. We went to the doctor and after a routine test he told us that she was very ill  and admitted us to the local hospital.

A couple months later we were finally told she had Cancer and it was not good.

Mélaine fought the cancer up to the end. She was amazing and brave. We were all honest with her about her situation so she was not living with a false sense of hope but she was living with the determination that she was not going to die.

I am sure you will all agree with me that it is really unfair that we should lose a wife, mother, sister, daughter, and friend at such a young age.
I have tried to be brave and strong, but to be honest; I am really sad, confused, and angry. Mélaine would continually say to me and I hear her in my head now, “Keith, just get on with it”. It seemed before that so many things happened in our lives by accident but I know now nothing is by accident or chance but God’s plan, God’s will for our lives.

Who to Marry

Melaine always told me and everyone else that she would never marry a military man and definitely not an American.  I have always tried to show Melaine that she made the right decision in marrying me.  I will continue to do that and Jay will be my guide.

My Growth

I have grown more in these last six months than ever before, and in Mélaine’s life and in her death there is a great hope for me – a challenge, an aim.  I have a responsibility to you – her family and friends – to honour her life by caring for our son Jay, by maintaining the quality of life that she established for us and to never forget the way she carried herself through out her life. As Mélaine always told me “What are you going to do?”. You are dealt the cards you are dealt; take care of what you can.

Love

Last night I told Jay I loved him more than anyone in the world. He asked me why… and I had to stop and think about how to explain it to him.  I told him it was because he was a part of his Mummy, and me and that we were bonded by that physical and spiritual connection. That spiritual connection does not stop at death. We all know Mélaine and we know for certain that her spirit lives on.

Time

Time is precious, time is short, it is limited by our body’s ability to go on. We see time as linear as day and night, but it is only important to us because, on this earth time is finite it is limited it runs out.

 Mélaine’s death is a notice to us all; do not waste time but live your life now; today. If you have been waiting for something to motivate you, to make a change, to improve something, to connect with someone, to forgive someone, then do it now.

Be wise beyond your years, see the truth about situations, and act accordingly. Love people not the way you need to love them but the way they need to be loved. Do not be short sighted, or focus just on your needs but focus on the needs of others. Say the things you need to say in kindness, and out of respect for yourself and those around you. Resolve the unresolved issues you have with family and friends. Say the things you haven’t said. Don’t wait any longer.

Spend your time wisely, it is a gift, it is free, we don’t earn it yet it has great value and diminishes every second.

Video

I have created a video; a very brief look into Mélaine’s life. It can not begin touch the depth of her life but only shares a few moment’s with you. I hope that it honours Mélaine.

Please stay in touch with us. The story of Mélaine’s life has been passed on to me and to her son and to you; we all have the honour of carrying it forward.

Goodbye

Mélaine I miss you, I am sad and Jay is sad. But we remember you with joy. I am happy for you that you are with God.

God bless you all.