Lost and Found

I am constantly going through little bits of Mélaine’s things. My house is like a lost and found. She had many purses. Today I found a pen, a “sweety” that i gave her a long time ago, some lotion, and homeopathic teething meds for Jay when he was young. Also, and I had been thinking about this, I found a USB flash drive. On it was her CV, and all of the books she had written. Very cool! 

This week has been harder for me than most others. I don’t know why, but I accept that although I feel I am dealing with her death “well”, there is a tremendous about of hurt and loss inside me. So although I am “getting on with it”, I am really sad…

This morning, Jay put on his Mummy’s little necklace. He keeps it in the Italian music box that he bought for her on her pretend birthday. The music box was softly playing and he put the necklace on so carefully, I lost it. I had tears running down my cheeks and I could not talk. And he said, It is OK to be sad Papa and patted me on my shoulder and gave me a kiss… It made me cry even more, but mostly because I was so proud of him. He reminds me of his Mummy.

I guess my emotions were lost too… and Jay found them.

Hepicoller Jay

Jay and I had the great pleasure of being given a ride in Chuck’s Helicopter today.

Being a helicopter mechanic myself, I fix and build them but have not flown in one since I left the ARMY.

I had forgotten how much fun it is.

I had a great time, and so did Jay although he wanted to go back to the airport a little way into the flight.

Kids are funny. I even tried to convince him to stay longer but he said no. He told me in the car he would like to try it again… I said I would ask.

Thanks Chuck!

done

 

A New Normal

Today Jay asked me “when will it be normal again?”. I asked him “what do you mean normal”? He said “like it was when Mummy was here”. I told him “it won’t be Normal like that, we will have to make a new normal”. He said “I am sad”, which he had said many times before. This time instead of agreeing with him I asked him what he was sad about. He said “I miss Mummy”. So I pushed him and said “what do you miss honey?” He said “holding her hand and Singing with here seeing her pretty smile and her blue eyes”. Then he went on, ”rubbing my back and stroking my hair and snuggling with me when I go to bed”. I told him “I can snuggle and rub your back”. He seemed pretty excited and so we snuggled and made our “New Normal”. I love my son.

My new My!

Grummins, you are so lovely, Thank you for my New my.

It is beautiful, how did you make is so quickly, you are wonderful, thank you and a big hug!

We had a great party yesterday.

My Friends came over yesterday, Austin and Misty, and there girls and Joy and her little ones. Here are a few pics of the Party.

Food Glorious Food!

Tonight I whipped up a nice pasta with zucchini, yellow squash, sun dried tomatoes, and Italian sausage, in a balsamic white wine reduction, on top of spaghetti all covered with cheese… I know, I know I had you all before the meat… (Jilly, Austin, Everybody who is healthy..) but alas we are omnivores. Here are some nice pics.

Red White and Blue, and the Union

I asked Luc to get me a Union Flag to fly in front of our house.

Check out the pics…

Here is a new Video of our week…

New Desk

I bought a new desk today. It is pretty cool see pics.

Love

Jay is coping well.

The other day, I was making a berocca for Jay and I to share. It is a fizzy vitamin drink. i told Jay we could share. I put the tablet in my glass and Jay said, “Cut it in 1/2, that is what mummy used to do, Mummy would cut it in 1/2 and put 1/2 in her cup and 1/2 in my cup”. I told him, “let’s do it Mummy’s way…” He said “cool”.

Parties are great!

Jay and I were invited to celebrate Memorial day at Julians house. His Mom Rie and dad Rick have a lovely place out in Aboite. It is a beautiful house on lovely property with a lake and trampoline, and beach. We had a blast. I got in the lake with some coxing and floted around for a while. Rick and I talked about air airplanes and frogs… nice easy talking subjects. I was really able to relax. Rie looked after Jay and Julian. She is amazing and really loves Jay. I am so grateful to be able to relax with them.

While Jay was sitting at the table with Rie and her Mom Jay started talking about his year and his Mummy… his words were, “My Mummy got sick, her blood was bad, she stayed in the hospital for a long time, the docters tried to fight it and she tried to fight it but the couldn’t win and she died. Me and Papa are sad and thats OK.”

Amazing kid! I love him so much. He is the love of my life.

He is doing great at both schools. He said on his first day back, “I am so excited to be back at Canterbury!”

Both Mrs, W and Mrs Brown are great teachers. 

Work is fine, I am getting back into the swing of it. Just when I get my stride, I have to stop and make or take a phone call about Lawyers or Insurance or bills. 

We will get through it.

Here is a pic of the new carpet and the Party. Nice on the toes!

Love to all.