Ho Ho Ho

Posted: December 18, 2008 in Jay, Keith, Melaine

Merry Christmas to all.

I did not send out cards this year for multiple reasons. Mostly because I just did not find the time. But we love you all and wish you a wonderful season.

I do want to say thank you from the deepest part of my being to all that supported me this year. My friends and family have grown so much. I have to say that my company Sweetwater Sound stood by me and my family in a manor I could never have imagined. The outpouring of support was greater than that which I saw in the US Army (which is pretty amazing). From the President, Chuck to all of my bosses and coworkers. I am overwhelmed. I don’t know how to say thank you enough, except to just say thank you.

It has been such a sad year for me and Jay. I am realizing the further away we get from Mélaine’s death the more tragic is. My survival so far has been based on staying busy but because I am so exhausted I have had to force myself to slow down. With that I have really started to think a lot about the events of this year.

I have reconnected with so many amazing friends from my past and Mélaine’s and met some fantastic new ones.

There have been so many helpful bits of advice from you all.

But one of the most helpful came to me as a question from Jo, she wrote… “why is it that often, when someone needs help the most they make the greatest effort not to appear weak?

Jo was actually asking her friends for input and most of us replied by first asking if the question was aimed at us… It was not, of course but it struck a chord in me and made me realize that I am crushed, and empty and sad and angry and confused and stressed and tired and lonely and that is a lot. It takes every ounce of energy in my body to take a breath. Music makes me weep and tears are always ready to stream out of me.

However, I am in love with my son Jay. He gave me a little candle that he made at school. He said “I made you something Papa”. He had drawn little snowmen on the glass, and it had a small signed note with his name on it. He told me to read it so I started to and one sentence into it I choked up. I was kneeling down by my son in his school and a teacher was walking by… she knew what was happening and my pride kept me from totally breaking down. I just grabbed Jay and hugged him.

He is the best. He is the reason I am willing to smile even when I feel crap.

When I was a boy my father used to say how lucky we were to have our health and home and family and food.

I get it Dad, I really do, I never used to but I do now.

I am so happy to have Luc and Claire and Isaac and Ann and Jerry up for Christmas. It will be great to not have to answer “how are you”? Because we all know, we are complete crap… oh, but it “will get better”. Side note (platitude) is a trite, meaningless, biased or prosaic statement that is presented as if it were significant and original plat·i·tude Pronunciation: \ˈpla-tə-ˌtüd, –ˌtyüd\ Function: nounEtymology: French, from plat flat, dull Date: 1812 1 : the quality or state of being dull or insipid2 : a banal, trite, or stale remark… God please make them stop!

Humor and time make good bandaids, the don’t mend the wound but the help cover the pain.

I Miss you Mélaine… I Can’t even put on paper how much.

I have found a new reply to the question of “how are you” … I just say “life is good” … they don’t even get it.

Here is to a new year.

By the way do Shepherds really watch their flocks at night in the winter? Seems like the date may be wrong… maybe I am going crazy. I will have to ask Santa, he must know, he is always driving around about this time.

Live well

Keith and Jay

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